um, really? your serious?

Hmmm...

Ok. I need to set some things straight.

I have talked about or skirted around a current issue I am dealing with. In some ways I feel that our "christian" society has made me feel guilty for hurting or being sad over this issue.

The issue is fertility. We have tried for 14 months for a baby and it does not get easier.

When approaching this issue I have gotten alot of advice:
"Trust God"
"It all happens in his timing"
"He will heal you"
And these are all great! And I am not trying to dismiss them but I am tired of people saying this to me when,
"I DO trust God!"
"I know it will happen in the right time!"
"He can/will heal me!"

Women all over the world and our country deal with fertility issues. And its always dismissed as that we need to get over our pain and trust God's timing.

Unless you have been through this or had a CLOSE friend that has, its not something you could easily understand.

I believe that God has given dr.'s wisdom. So I will not have people look down on me because I am going to a fertility specialist. I will not be made to feel like my Relationship with God isn't what it should be b/c I am seeking medical help. I have prayed and I have felt peace we are going in the right direction.

To have people say that its a drastic measure and to just wait and be patient is not right. What about the millions of children who have been born through help with a dr,acupuncture, nutritionist or whatever!?!

It is a very real and deep pain. And NO, I am not complaining about this or whining but I am just saying it is REAL!

The end of last year I was having a really rough time. The first REAL time I had dealt with depression. God really cleared the fog for me and I have been able to rely on Him through this.

This is just something I am dealing with.
I am not Angry with God
I trust Him
I love Him

But it continues to be something that is hard.

Because I have pain does not make me any less in love with Him. It makes me want Him more...


So BIG SIGH!!!!

Seriously???

There is so much I could say but I can't

Really frustrated! It seems like the things I want I have to really struggle for.

This is totally un-related to foster care. Thats going great.

Just a certain area in my life right now is beyond tough. Its emotionally draining and I am hurting, my heart is hurting....